


We Love Like Fools

by PunkPinkPower



Category: Power Rangers Samurai
Genre: Disapproving Family, F/F, Families of Choice, Jayden Fails At Feelings, M/M, Multi, Queer Themes, Sneaking Around, bloodlines, heritage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkPinkPower/pseuds/PunkPinkPower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayden tries to find loop holes for himself and his friends from the expectations placed on them by their heritage, and struggles with his own decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Love Like Fools

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically one giant head canon I have about the Samurai clans and the blood lines and how a team of entirely gay rangers would deal with such a thing. I mean, the pressure to produce biological children has kept people in the closet for a long time, and I’ve always been interested in exploring the problematic “power tied to the bloodlines” that Samurai set up, so. Here we go!

Strictly speaking, relationships and marriages between the samurai lines are forbidden. 

There had been exceptions made, generations ago, when an active ranger may have married a non-heir member of another clan, but those sorts of exceptions were rare. By the laws that had governed the Samurai rangers and their families for generations, the blood lines were to remain pure and strong to ensure the passage of the power and the protection of their world from the Nighlock. 

And Jayden is pretty sure that all of his teammates know this. 

He might be able to understand Emily not knowing; she hadn’t been a Samurai heir until last year when her sister got sick. Mia and Mike had to know, if their parents had told them anything surely they would have told them that. And Kevin, Jayden thinks, Kevin had studied most of the sacred scrolls himself. He absolutely knew the rules. 

Which is why Jayden is confused and uncertain when he realizes that his friends are sneaking around in illicit and strictly prohibited relationships in his house. 

The thing is, _they’re sneaking_. They’re hiding it, so they must know that what they are doing isn’t allowed. Sneaking into each other’s room at night, trading looks during training, going out on dates disguised as team bonding activities… they’re all making a noticeable effort to conceal their relationships. 

Jayden wonders if it’s because of the fact that they know the clans won’t approve, or if it’s the gay thing that’s making them sneak around. 

He notices it from Mike first. The casual teasing, the way Kevin’s reaction softens over time to his prodding. The easy touches they trade, how Mike is always finding an excuse to be close to Kevin. It’s not obvious, exactly, until one night when Jayden, hiding in the shadows without meaning to, watches Mike go into Kevin’s room in the early hours of the morning. 

He watches his team more closely after that. 

Mia and Emily have always been affectionate. And to Jayden, that hadn’t seemed strange, until he started looking for the differences in how they show affection to others and how they show affection to each other. And there is a difference, he realizes, as he watches them hug after a battle, watches Emily stroke Mia’s hair away from her face. He absolutely catches them holding hands quickly on the way back to the Shiba house, and forces himself to look away and pretend he hasn’t seen anything. 

Because what is he supposed to do? He’s their leader, but is he supposed to sit them down and tell them who they can and cannot love? As the leader of the Shiba clan, it is his responsibility. He could, he thinks, look the other way. He could allow it to go on indefinitely, let them face the problems that will come later. Because a part of Jayden knows that telling his friends to stop seeing each other will only make them more determined to do so. Only…

If he looks the other way now, if he lets it go on, and then one day his sister, the true head of the Shiba clan, returns and disapproves… He will be in trouble with the clans, but so will his friends and on a much larger scale. 

Which is why he can’t tell Ji, either, or ask for advice about what to do. Because Ji follows the rules, always has, and has always taught Jayden to do the same. To Ji, these things are very black and white. 

But when Jayden looks at his friends, sees how happy they are together… he finds himself in a gray area. 

And when Antonio shows up, a grown man instead of a little boy, declaring his eternal devotion and swearing Samurai oaths of fealty to Jayden… things get even _grayer_. 

It’s both, Jayden decides later about his friends. They all know about the clans and their expectations for sturdy marriages and lots of biological children, and that’s a pressure Jayden’s felt his whole life. But it’s also the gay thing, Jayden realizes as Antonio reaches up to pull a leaf out of Jayden’s hair gently, making Jayden’s cheeks flush. Because he hadn’t even realized he had a sexuality until Antonio had shown back up, he’s never been allowed to have one, and now… well. It’s definitely partly the gay thing that is making his friends keep it a secret. 

It’s funny, really. He and Antonio haven’t even actually broken any of the rules yet, but everyone seems to think they have. And yes, Antonio is more openly affectionate with Jayden than the others dare be with their partners out in the open, but he doesn’t think that gives them any right to start cracking jokes. Because as soon as they give voice to it, one morning in the kitchen, Jayden has to turn to them with a forbidding look and say, “I’m not sure you want to go down that road.” 

All four of them look up at him from the kitchen table, and distinct looks of hesitation, of realization they’ve gone too far, of fear that Jayden knows exactly what they get up to at night, cross their faces. Mia opens her mouth, but Jayden holds up his hand, because he really can’t hear it, he can’t, they know he can’t explicitly know, or they would have told him before now. 

“Antonio and I are friends,” he warns them, and he feels the air in the room going formal between them, worries he’s ruining something with the only friends he’s ever known but continues anyway, “And nothing more should be said on the subject by anyone other than he or I, as I’ve always shown you the same courtesy.” 

The rangers nod, and Jayden is forced to leave the kitchen with his toast and jam, feeling suddenly solemn and alone again as he eats out on the porch by himself. He’s just drawn a line in the sand, he knows, and this is going to come to a head sooner or later. 

So of course Antonio finds him, sitting outside, and drops down on the bench with him, leaning against Jayden’s shoulder. 

“What is the matter with you, Amigo?” Antonio asks, upon seeing the look on Jayden’s face. “You squeeze the bunny too hard?” 

Jayden cracks a smile, because he understands that reference, and no, he thinks amusedly, the problem is somewhat of the opposite. “It’s the other rangers,” he admits, because he might as well tell Antonio, “I think we’ve just reached fork in the road in our friendships.”

“Oh,” Antonio agrees, reaching over to steal some of Jayden’s jam with his finger and stick it in his mouth, sucking it off before continuing, “Sounds serious.” 

Jayden tries not to be distracted by the way Antonio’s mouth lingers on his finger, feels something in his stomach surge as he agrees, “Yeah.” 

“You wanna talk quickly before training, or play hooky with me and talk later?” Antonio wonders, and Jayden shakes his head. 

“You will never convince me to shirk my duties in favor of playing hooky with you, and I don’t know why you keep trying,” Jayden reprimands, but it does nothing to dim Antonio’s spirits. 

“Because one day I’ll succeed,” Antonio promises him, wrinkling his nose up playfully, “You’ll see. I have to wear you down first. It’s a process.” 

Jayden raises an eyebrow at him and hums. He hears the others coming down the hallway, talking in hushed whispers, and he sighs and looks out at the training mats. “How about we rain check the talking?” 

He stands, offers Antonio a hand and pulls him up with him, and faces his friends as though nothing has changed between them, even though he knows differently. 

That night, after everyone has gone to bed (and they all went to their own rooms tonight, Jayden notices, as though out of guilty reaction), Jayden walks outside in Ji’s meticulous garden, out among the tiki torches and sculpted scrubs. It shouldn’t surprise him that Antonio finds him; he seems to have implanted a homing deceive on Jayden when he wasn’t looking. 

“You should be in bed,” Jayden tells him as Antonio tries to sneak up on him in the quiet, sounding like a clumsy giant against the background of crickets, “How do you expect to get up so early to fish if you’re up this late?” 

Antonio comes into his vision, a grin on his face. “You should be in bed, too,” he tells Jayden, “But since you’re out here brooding, I think that gives me permission.” 

Jayden rolls his eyes. “I am not brooding,” he says, annoyed at the adjective that is so readily applied to him by his whole team. “I am problem solving.” 

Antonio actually laughs outright, as though Jayden’s made a joke, and he purses his lips at the Gold Samurai to keep from laughing himself. “Okay,” Antonio says, amusedly running his hand through one of Ji’s shrubs, “Let’s problem solve, then.” 

Jayden sighs at him, and he sits down on the great big stone paved walkway. Antonio follows suit. “I’m going to tell you something,” Jayden warns him, “And after we’re done talking about it you can’t talk about it again. Not to me or anybody else.” 

Antonio narrows his eyes at Jayden, but he still looks amused. “This is about Mia and Emily fucking, isn’t it?” 

Jayden’s eyes widen, both at the vulgarity and the fact that Antonio knows outright. He nods, and adds, “Mike and Kevin, too.” 

Antonio’s eyes widen this time. “Really? There’s one for the record books.” 

Jayden laughs. He doesn’t know why he had expected Antonio to take this seriously. “They aren’t supposed to be,” Jayden gestures, “Together, like that. None of us are.”

Antonio looks puzzled. “Why not?”

“It’s complicated,” he says, but he can tell from the look on Antonio’s face that answer isn’t going to fly, and so he launches into a tirade about the ancient clans and the bloodlines that have remained pure for twenty three generations, and how Jayden has been told since he was a little boy that he’d be having kids and passing his morpher on. By the time he’s finished with it, Antonio has laid down on the ground, picking absently at one of Ji’s bushes leaves. 

“Huh,” Antonio says calmly, “I never realized it was that complicated.” 

And he hadn’t, Jayden realizes, looking down at him. Antonio had stepped into this role willingly, for Jayden, without knowing all the obligations that came with it. “It may not be the same for you,” Jayden tries, thinking hard, “Since you created your powers, you’re technically the first of your name. You may not be held to the same obligations as the rest of us.” 

Antonio looks up at him, grins. “That wasn’t what I meant,” he says, “But thank you. For thinking of me.”

Jayden almost says something he shouldn’t, out in the quiet and the darkness where it would be heard by no one but himself and Antonio, but he stops, unwilling to open that door, too. 

“Why are the clans so interested in it?” Antonio wonders, “And why do we call them the clans? Aren’t they composed of like, Emily and Mike and Mia and Kevin’s parents and grandparents?” 

“Mia has a great grandmother, too,” Jayden adds, nodding. He doesn’t know the answers to the rest of the questions. “And there are some extended relatives included.” 

“This might be a silly question,” Antonio warns, “But why would their parents and grandparents and great grandparents want to impose the same awful restrictions on their kids that had been imposed on them? Don’t they know it sucks, being forced into something they have no control over?” 

Jayden half shrugs. “I imagine so. It’s just the way things have always been done. Up until three generations ago, marriages were still being arranged to strengthen the bloodlines. It was only our grandparents that were even allowed to choose who they married.” 

Antonio whistles. “So a bunch of gay, intermingling bloodline kids aren’t going to sit well with them, huh?” 

“To be fair,” Jayden says, “No team of rangers has ever been called upon as early as us. Our parents,” Jayden hesitates, thinking of his mother and father with a pang of sadness, “Already had lives and spouses and children before they were even called upon to fight. And as far as I know, that’s the way it’s almost always worked out. So that if one day a ranger doesn’t come back, the bloodline isn’t broken.” 

“But this time the Nighlock showed up too soon,” Antonio surmises, “And we’re just a bunch of stupid kids with feelings.” 

Jayden sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, realizing that explaining all of this to Antonio hasn’t made his course of action any clearer in his head. 

“Let me ask you something,” Antonio says, and he sits up a bit, props himself up on an elbow so that in Jayden’s slouched state they’re almost the same height, “If we defeat Xandred, really defeat him, for good… then all of that goes away, right?” 

Jayden sits back, considering. “Is that what they’re thinking?” He wonders, considering the possibility for the first time. “Is that what they’re hoping will happen?” 

Antonio shrugs. “Now that you’ve explained it all, it’s what I’m hoping will happen.” 

Jayden’s mind is racing as he thinks about how much sense it makes for the rangers to be rationalizing it that way, but at Antonio’s words his mind quiets and he looks back down at his childhood friend. He feels the familiar surge of something in his stomach, the heat in his cheeks, and he wants so bad to reach out. 

But it’s still not up to him. 

Antonio nods, like he’s reading volumes Jayden can’t speak on his face, and he sits up straighter. “I get it, I do,” Antonio says, “Much better now than I did before, why you never allow yourself to be close to me. You don’t think it’s something you can have,” Antonio continues quietly, “And I get that.” 

But then he leans forward, presses his lips against Jayden’s in the hush, and Jayden closes his eyes and leans forward, because, well, it would be rude to pull away. That’s what he tells himself as Antonio’s lips move against his, that’s how he justifies it in his mind. 

Antonio pulls away too soon, and Jayden leans into him, feels Antonio’s fingers clasp briefly over his before he opens his eyes and has to come back to reality. “You have to admit, though,” Antonio says quietly, his voice shaky, “It’s a hell of a motivator.” 

Jayden laughs, the smile that bursts across his face genuine but the tears in his eyes feeling far more real. 

In the end, Jayden does nothing. He lets it go on, knowing the consequences, because Antonio has made him realize that telling his friends to stop it, to acknowledge their responsibilities, is like taking away their hope that they can win this fight once and for all, and he can’t do that to them. He can’t continue to lead them if none of them have any hope of really defeating Xandred, of being with the people they actually, really love. 

And he knows that he might have to continue to lead them for a long time. He knows it’s possible that Lauren won’t master the sealing symbol in his lifetime, that he will have to go on pretending to be who he is not, and have children to whom he will tell lies about their heritage, and that it may very well be Lauren’s children who will one day return to set things right. He knows, in his heart, that he has no control over his or his teammates lives, that all of their fates lie in Lauren’s hands, and she has no idea what she is holding. 

He knows this, but he can’t take away their hope. He can’t take away his own hope that one day he might be able to play hooky with Antonio, to shirk responsibilities not really his and love who he wants to love. 

But the tension between him and the rangers does eventually reach a head one day, when Mike and Kevin are having a fight that is clearly not related to their roles as Samurai rangers, and Mia looks at Jayden warily. 

“Maybe you should go,” she suggests, glancing over at Emily before looking back at him, “Since there are things you aren’t supposed to know here.” 

Jayden looks at her, and another realization strikes him. He realizes, since that line was directed only at him and not at Antonio, that he’s the only one they think they’re hiding it from. They are aware of each other’s relationships, supportive, even, if their strong friendships are any indication, and it’s Jayden who is keeping them in the closet about this. 

From the look on Mia’s face, Jayden doesn’t even think Ji is completely in the dark anymore. It’s Jayden’s disapproval they’re afraid of. Its Jayden’s warning they’ve been heading. 

“I shouldn’t,” he agrees with her, “But I do.” 

The look on Mia’s face changes to something like sympathy. 

Jayden turns to Mike and Kevin, his mind made up. “Kevin, Mike,” he says, and it’s only out of training to respond to Jayden’s authorities voice that makes then stop arguing to look at him, “Whatever is going on here, and it’s obviously not about the battle, you need to work it out. I don’t care how you do it, but go.” 

Kevin and Mike look at Jayden with hesitation, and Jayden finally makes a face and waves them off before turning back to Emily and Mia. 

“And while we’re at this,” he says, glancing at Emily, “Would you like to switch bedrooms? So that yours is closer to Mia’s?” 

Emily’s mouth hangs open, like this is a trap and she isn’t sure what to do. 

It’s Mia who answers for her, “That’s not necessary,” she says, fighting a smile, “Unless you want your room to be closer to Antonio’s.” 

“Ohh,” Antonio calls from his place leaning against the wall, “Low blow, Amiga.” 

Jayden fights the blush rising in his cheeks, glances at each and every one of his teammates quickly. “Just so we’re clear,” Jayden says, smirking, “I’m noting my objection.”

Emily grins. “And then you’re going to, what? Ignore it? Tolerate it with your usual flare for social situations?” 

Jayden raises an eyebrow at her. “Something like that,” he says, and Emily cracks up, and the tension in the room is broken. 

Kevin and Mike seem to have completely forgotten about the fight they were having with this new development. And in the corner, Antonio has his arms crossed, and is looking like he’s waiting for someone to ask. None of them do. 

They do, however, end up in the kitchen with bins of ice cream that night, discussing familial obligations and ridiculous expectations. 

“That’s the thing though,” Mia says around a bite full of cookie dough, “Gay people have kids. We could still continue on the bloodlines and keep them as pure as ever. It’s call sperm donors, egg donors, surrogacy.” 

Kevin chokes on his chocolate ice cream. “Can we not talk about sperm and eggs while eating ice cream?”

Mike laughs at him, “Oh hush, you love it.” 

Emily laughs at them, and Jayden looks away, still feeling like he shouldn’t even be talking about all of this. 

“Mia’s right though,” Antonio says seriously, and he looks over at Jayden, “That was my first thought when you told me about it.”

Jayden considers this. “Change comes slowly, if at all. Especially in things like this, which are steeped in centuries of tradition. The world has changed drastically during our generation, so maybe no one has thought about it. After all,” Jayden continues, raising his eyebrows, “How many of your parents know that you’re gay and would consider you need them to fight for you?” 

Kevin looks stricken, but Emily snorts. “Not my dad,” she says gleefully, scooping more mint ice cream into her mouth, “I don’t even think he knows what a lesbian is. Which is funny because both of his daughters are completely queer,” she says, gesturing around to all of them, “I mean, he raised us on a farm in the middle of nowhere and only hired female ranch hands from the time Serena hit puberty on, thinking he’d dodge a bullet and keep her away from boys,” Emily grins, chewing her ice cream before continuing, “I mean, bullet dodged, I guess!” 

Mia and Mike laugh hysterically, and even Jayden raises his eyebrows with a smile. Antonio reaches over to give her a high five before continuing to munch quietly on his own rocky road. 

“My mom wouldn’t care,” Mike announces, grinning, “In fact, she’d probably make all sort of rude jokes about my sex life as soon as she saw Kevin.” 

Mia snorts with laughter, and Kevin grins down into his bowl, like this is a conversation they’ve had before. 

“I don’t know,” Mia says next, since they’re apparently all answering the question, “My mom… she’s traditional in the sense that she values tradition, but this is also the same woman who let me brother cross-dress every Halloween until he was 14, and scolded other parents for judging him, so. It’s a tossup,” she nods, but doesn’t seem worried about the uncertainty, “What about you, Kev?” 

Kevin grimaces slightly, looking up from his melting ice cream. “My dad doesn’t know,” he says with certainty, “And if he found out, I’m fairly certain he wouldn’t be on our side when it came to trying to change the rules.” 

“You don’t know that,” Mike tells him, and yes, Jayden thinks, this is definitely a conversation they’ve had before, “You don’t.”

“My dad was the guy who got into it with the gay dads at our father son fishing trip for ‘exposing children to that kind of lifestyle’,” Kevin explains to the others, “So, I’m fairly certain of what his reaction would be.” 

Mia reaches across the table and squeezes Kevin’s arm, and he offers her a small smile in return. 

“My parents know I’m gay,” Antonio says, and everyone looks over at him as he toys with his spoon in what’s left of his ice cream. “Not that it matters, of course,” he says easily, “For this conversation, since they aren’t Samurai.” 

Jayden watches Antonio from his place leaning against the counter. He hadn’t known that, and he realizes why Antonio wouldn’t tell him. 

Mike catches the look they exchange and leans back in his chair, considering. “Alright,” he says at last, pointing between them, “Cards on the table. Are you two… or are you not?” 

Antonio looks up at him from the table, and Jayden looks back. He doesn’t know how to answer, doesn’t know what to say, and he opens his mouth but can’t make any sound come out. 

“Not,” Antonio answers for him, not dropping his gaze, “We’re not. I can honestly say that there is nothing going on between us.” 

Jayden feels a pang of guilt at Antonio’s words, and he looks away, tries not to frown too deeply, not to show the regret on his face. 

“Oh,” Mia says, like she was expecting a different answer. Everyone looks between them for a long moment, before Mia makes a point of turning back to her ice cream. 

A moment later, there is a small ‘thunk’ under the table, and Mike exclaims, “Ow! Jesus, Mia, I was just asking!” 

Antonio laughs at them, and Jayden can’t help but smile at their friends. He tries to change the subject. 

“My point,” he continues instead, “Is that even if one day we manage to defeat Xandred, or even if we don’t, but convince the clans to let us do what we want, we’re still subject to those responsibilities for the time being. And there are people who won’t take kindly to the impression that we’re rejecting them.” 

“But you’re not one of them,” Emily clarifies, and Jayden nods, “Which is good, because I really thought you were about to bring the hammer down on us earlier.” 

Jayden smirks. “For a moment, so did I,” he admits, amused, “But you’re the only people who’ve ever looked past my name and called me a friend. I could never begrudge any of you your happiness.” 

As he says it, he glances at Antonio, who doesn’t look at him. He does smile slightly, but there’s a tinge of sadness there. 

That night, the others make no effort to hide the fact that they’re going to each other’s rooms, Mia and Emily even walking off down the hall together hand in hand. Jayden lays in his room, unable to sleep, thinking about Antonio at the end of the hall, and his sad smile. 

No one had asked him, in their talk, what his family would think about his being gay, because they all knew he didn’t have any family left. His grandparents had died even before he’d been born, on both sides, and his father and mother had perished in the fight against Xandred fourteen years ago. As far as any of the rangers knew, he had no family to object, and yet none of them had questioned Antonio’s answer, either. 

The truth was that Jayden’s family, the very last of it, was somewhere far away, and he had no idea what reaction she might have to him being in a relationship with Antonio. And in the end, Lauren was older. She was the true head of the Shiba clan, and it would be up to her. 

Antonio must hate him, must think it is Jayden’s own stubborn pride that keeps him away. As always, though, Jayden is bound by decisions that aren’t even his to make, and he grows so frustrated as he lies there in bed that he has to get up, has to stand and walk and try not to think. 

Out in the hallway that adjoins their six rooms, he walks quietly, focusing on the feel of his bare feet on the hard wood floor and nothing else. 

Light spills out from under Kevin’s door, and Jayden can hear voices from inside. He doesn’t want to listen in, doesn’t want to invade, but he can’t help himself he finds, his mind longing for something else to think on. 

“I’ve known the whole time I’ve been here, doing this,” Kevin is saying, his voice muffled, “That it wasn’t going to be okay for me in the end. You don’t think I’ve thought about the fact that I might not have a father when this is over? And I’ve done it anyway.” 

Mike’s voice is even softer, and Jayden has to lean against the door to hear it. “I’d never ask you to choose,” he says. 

“You’re not the one I’m worried about,” Kevin tells him. 

Jayden pulls away from the door and continues on, wondering if maybe it’s better that his family is gone. Was it better to have your family dislike you for something you couldn’t control, or better to have them dead, he wondered? It was probably an unequal comparison, but it makes him feel guilty for Kevin, because Jayden still has a chance that Lauren will show up and be wonderful, but Kevin is sure his father will not approve. 

He gets to Mia’s room, which he suspects they’re sleeping in because of Jayden’s comment this afternoon, and he presses his ear against the door without hesitation. 

“I just worry about him,” Emily says, “I mean, he doesn’t have _anyone_.”

“That’s his own fault,” Mia’s voice objects, “He could have someone, he absolutely could, you saw the look on Antonio’s face earlier.” 

Jayden’s eyes widen, and he realizes they’re talking about him. 

“That’s not fair,” Emily responds, “You have no idea what Jayden is thinking or feeling about all this, you can’t judge him for that.” 

“No but,” Mia argues, her voice rising slightly, “If you looked at me the way Antonio looks at Jayden, there is nothing in the world that would keep me from you. Fuck our families,” Mia continues, and Emily chides her for the curse word, “Love like this doesn’t just happen all the time.” 

“Well,” Emily hums, “Unless you’re apparently a group of samurai rangers burdened with familial obligations. Then it happens a lot.”

Jayden pulls away from the door, goes to stand across the hall and presses his forehead into the wood. _If you looked at me the way Antonio looks at Jayden, there is nothing in the world that would keep me from you_ , he hears the words echo in his mind, and his heart aches. Nothing in the world, he thinks dully, but everything he’s been raised to believe and to value and to do. 

Maybe the others were right, maybe it would all work out in the end. Maybe they’d defeat Xandred and no one would comment about their choice of partners. Maybe they’d convince people to get with the times, that it didn’t matter, that they were no different from the generations who had come before. But could he risk it? Could he risk knowing that in the end he might have no choice but to break Antonio’s heart anyway, to break his own? 

Because if it comes to the choice between Antonio and his duty as a ranger… if he chooses Antonio, then the whole world suffers. 

He opens his eyes and glances down the hall at Antonio’s door. It’s dark underneath, and Jayden hears the words _nothing in the world_ run through his mind again. Could he be that naïve, even for a few moments? 

He finds himself in front of Antonio’s door, his hand on the knob. He stands there for a long time, trying to steady his breathing, debating the ideas of pushing the door open or turning away. 

Something in him drives him on, makes him twist the door knob, and tiredly he steps into Antonio’s dark room and closes the door behind him. He can make out the outlines of Antonio’s furniture by the moonlight coming in through the window, and it occurs to him he’s never been in Antonio’s room before. He steps by the dresser and around Antonio’s guitar, coming to rest by his bed, where Antonio is sprawled under the covers. 

He sits down on the edge of the bed and Antonio stirs. Jayden reaches out and touches his shoulder to bring him the rest of the way out of his sleep, and also to let him know who it is. Because he knows that Antonio will know it’s him. 

Antonio’s eyes open and he shifts, propping himself up on his elbows, his blanket falling down to his hips. “Jayden?” 

Jayden opens his mouth, and then closes it. What is he doing? Why is he here? 

Antonio reaches up and touches Jayden’s hand on his shoulder, takes it in his own and then sits all the way up in bed. He wraps Jayden’s hand up with both of his own, his eyes studying Jayden’s face. 

Jayden tries to be brave. “I don’t want to be the only one,” he tells Antonio quietly, his voice wavering, “That doesn’t have something to fight for.” 

Antonio tilts his head, like he’s considering this, and then he leans forward and touches his forehead to Jayden’s. He let’s go of Jayden’s hand and brings his hands up to Jayden’s face, touches Jayden’s cheeks and neck, and says, “You’re not.” 

Jayden lets out a bitter little laugh, because of course he’s not. He’s left Antonio without anything to fight for, too, by pushing him away. 

“You have something to fight for,” Antonio tells him, and he sounds happy, “You always have.” 

Antonio’s words hit him like a ton of bricks, as he realizes what Antonio means. He doesn’t mean that he and Jayden don’t have something to fight for, that isn’t it at all. He means they’ve always been fighting for each other, even when Jayden didn’t know it, even when he couldn’t say it. He feels the wind go out of him, the sheer exhaustion of the thought of how much he cares about Antonio hitting him with a force unlike anything he knows. 

He hangs his head, brings his own hands up to grab onto Antonio’s wrists tightly, to keep them there, even as Jayden falls apart in his arms. Antonio seems to sense this, because he grips Jayden’s face and drags it back up, and when Jayden is face to face with him again he presses forward, wrapping his arms around Antonio’s shoulders and locking their lips together. 

Antonio’s arms encircle him, pull him closer, and their mouths work together to drive them both mad, lips kissing and sucking, tongues clashing, breathing frantic. Jayden lets out a low sound into the kiss, feels Antonio’s grip tighten, and he lets Antonio drag him down onto the bed, pins Antonio beneath him and let’s himself go completely, confident in the knowledge that Antonio will catch him. 

Their legs tangle together, until Antonio breaks away to pull the blanket off himself and over Jayden, so that skin presses against skin, and thin fabric against thin fabric. Antonio runs fingers through Jayden’s hair, down his neck, across his back. 

Jayden clings to him in the darkness, kissing him and pressing words against his cheeks and neck, words like “So sorry” and “Need you” and “Please”. 

Antonio hushes him with three words of his own. 

In the morning light, as they lay awake and tangled in each other’s arms, Antonio draws swirls across Jayden’s cheek with his finger so lightly that it tickles, and makes Jayden smile. 

Jayden catches his hand and presses it to his lips, making Antonio drop his head down to Jayden’s shoulder and let out a long sigh. 

“Maybe,” Jayden says sleepily, “We should play hooky today.” 

Antonio’s head bolts up, and he looks like he wants to smile but is sure this is a trick and won’t let Jayden get the satisfaction. “Are you serious?” 

“Not just us,” he warns, grinning, “But everyone. We’ll go out, call it a team bonding activity,” he jokes, and Antonio shifts, rises up above Jayden and looks at him happily. 

“Mmm, triple date disguised as team bonding,” he says, and then pauses to kiss Jayden on the nose before adding, “I like it.” 

Jayden grins, and then he reaches up to pull Antonio down into a longer, fuller kiss, feels Antonio’s weight on top of him and likes way they fit together. 

Antonio mumbles something into his mouth, so that Jayden has to pull away slightly. “What?” he asks, frowning. 

Antonio grins, nuzzles Jayden’s face as he says, “I knew I’d wear you down eventually.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fantastically hilarious typo: On this line "things get even grayer", I absolutely did type "things get even gayer" the first time through. *Pats self on back* 
> 
> Also why is "Jayden Fails at Feelings" not already a canon tag? I'm looking at you, fandom.


End file.
